dating.

there's a friend of mine wooing another friend of mine.
it's like back in secondary school days where the guy's too hum to even talk to the girl and relies heavily on msn and sms-ing haha.
so childish hahahahahah.
but love's supposed to feel the same whether you 19, 39 or 79 so i guess it's okay.

but omg so cute i tell you hahaha.
i miss the feeling.

the ai-mai-ai-mai kind of feeling.
want, don't want, want, don't want.

the rush of joy (plus smile, smile smile) when you see a message from the other person.
the "OMG HE'S PEEPING AT ME SHIT DOES MY HAIR LOOK OKAY?!" kind of feeling.
the "shit is he going to hold my hand or not?!" feeling.
the "omg hold my hand already please" feeling.
the "eh why he never come to school" feeling.

and well, stuff like that.
damn i've only ever experienced this feeling thrice.

-------------------------------------------------------

there're some things that i can't say because people are reading.

nowadays i just don't really feel like doing things or talking about stuff.
i can't sympathise with people, can't sympathise with random people who die on the news.
can't sympathise with the bitter winter killing the Chinese(in China).

i think i was once the one who smiled 24/7 but now there's something wrong and actually, i can't feel anything. it's like i'm stoning all the way even through smiles.

omg. now that i've had time to think it through and blog about it, i realise it's worse than i thought it was.

it's been going on for so long and it's so bad i'm desperate to feel something, anything.

i have many, many obligations and sometimes, i have to meet expectations that i didn't even know were placed on me.

sometimes i feel like i have two boyfriends, three boyfriends, four boyfriends,

cater to requests, think up of excuses, worry about feelings being hurt, try to make things work. especially after what happened.

what the hell is wrong with the world?

now that i think of it, it may be better not to feel anything than to actually feel something.

i'm like a fucking babysitter to people's feelings.

i should get a gun, be a brat and shoot everyone down.